Fear Factor
by Snow White2
Summary: Our favorite guys are given their very own Fear Factor episode via me. Your job is to give me ideas as to what they will do. And it's now time for you to decide who should fail!
1. Default Chapter

*Disclaimer: Ah, my first torture story. However, I still don't own the TMNT…they don't know how lucky they are. By the way, I don't own Fear Factor either.  
  
(Adjusts her crown) Oh, am I on?  
  
*Raph snickers. A heavy lead ball appears in the Author's hand.  
  
I always knew there was a reason I played softball.  
  
Raph: If you do, I'll hurt you, and you know it.  
  
No, if I do, you'll be out cold, giving me time to tie you up and put you at one of those Raph Fan Girls Convention.  
  
Raph: *Shudders. Is there such a thing?  
  
There could be.  
  
Raph: Liar.  
  
*Winds her arm.* Let's find out, shall we?  
  
Mike: (entering) Mirage might sue you for that.  
  
Hi Mike.  
  
Mike: Hellooo there gorgeous! New writer, huh?  
  
Yep.  
  
Mike: (smiling) Am I your favorite?  
  
No.  
  
Mike: I'm wounded.  
  
No, Leo's wounded. He's a wounded bird. That's why he tries to be perfect all the time.  
  
Leo: I am not wounded! Who said that? Oh, no…it's her.  
  
*Jumps up from her throne* Leo! My wounded friend!  
  
Leo: She's so energetic and outgoing. People like that worry me.  
  
Of course they do! But they wouldn't if you weren't wounded.  
  
Leo: I'm not wounded!  
  
You're obviously in denial. That's okay. I myself was once wounded. *Gasps* Leo and I are wounded birds together! *throws her arms around him*  
  
Leo: Why are you doing this to me?  
  
Simple. Because you aren't my favorite, and you bug me from time to time.  
  
Leo: What have I done to bug you?  
  
Well you're breathing up all my air for one thing.  
  
Leo: Gee, you're right. How inconsiderate.  
  
I'm so glad we're seeing eye to eye.  
  
Leo: Why can't you just be a normal writer?  
  
Ew, how normal. Now, where's Donnie?  
  
Raph: Hopefully far, far away.  
  
But I need him! I can't start the story without him!  
  
Mike: You already have.  
  
Details, details… That's just a small set back.  
  
Mike: So this isn't the story?  
  
No. (The scene changes to a dark, stone setting, lit by a few camp fires. Donnie is already there.) There you are Donnie! Now, are you familiar with the show Fear Factor?  
  
All: Uh-Oh.  
  
Oh, yes. Now, here's how it will work. Our faithful reviewers will use their knowledge about you to think up fun and exciting new ways to torture you and entertain us. The task they decide could be a physical challenge, or it could not. Once you don't complete a certain task, you will spend the rest of your time with me in my throne room until the show is over. *Waves at Leo*  
  
Leo: *slaps his forehead* Let me guess, you get to decide weather or not we finish?  
  
You're pretty bright for being wounded. Let me start you off. Let me give you an example of something that isn't a physical challenge. *A pizza appears in her hands* Here you go Mike.  
  
Mike: *Opens the box* Thanks!  
  
For the rest of the show, you can't eat it.  
  
Mike: NOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
Alright reviewers, it is now up to you. I will not update until I get ideas about how to torture our friends. See you whenever! 


	2. The torture begins...

*Disclaimer: For the rest of the story let it be known that I don't own the turtles. Thanx so much to my reviewers! Your ideas will be put to good use! BTW, this chapter and most likely the rest of this story will be co-written by my friend, Carmen.  
  
  
  
Hello, and we're back for our first round! Please welcome our contestants… * lights go up and we see four very unhappy turtles chained to the back of the stage*  
  
  
  
Leo: You can't make us do this!  
  
Of course I can, I'm writing this fic!  
  
Raph: Of course, your almighty authorness.  
  
Thank you.  
  
Raph: That is NOT what I said!  
  
Yes, I know, I'm just making a point to the wounded bird. *Waves at Leo*  
  
Leo: I swear, you call me that one more time…  
  
You'll hurt me? With what? (She pulls a set of katana from behind her back.) Besides, I thought you weren't allowed to hit girls.  
  
Leo: Where did you get those?  
  
Never question my sources! I may just decide to use these!  
  
Leo: Put them down. Please.  
  
No, I don't think so. I might need them.  
  
Mikey: Can I have my pizza now?  
  
Sure! *Puts the pizza right in front of his feet, just out of his reach*  
  
Mike: *Trying desperately to kick the pizza over to himself* NO! Why would you do that?  
  
It builds character. Now let's see…*a table rises from the ground and cards come out of a slot in the middle* LOL! Ohhh…these are good ones!  
  
Leo: What is?  
  
This. *Snaps fingers* Yep, this is going to work out nicely. *Raph, Leo, Mikey, and Donny are seen on the highest point of the Brooklyn Bridge. Author examines just how far it is to the bottom.* You know, if you didn't have bungee cords, this would hurt if you jumped off.  
  
Leo: But we don't have bungee cords.  
  
*Laughing hysterically* I know! But don't worry, this is just fiction. How bad could it hurt?  
  
Raph: *Looking down, very far down* So, who gets to do this?  
  
Well since you asked…you! And just 'cause I love him, Leo!  
  
Raph and Leo: What?!  
  
Ye! I love how enthusiastic you two are about this! Now, work together and play nice. But just to make sure the rating doesn't change, Raph, you can't cuss.  
  
Raph: What?! What happens if I do?  
  
I don't know, let's find out.  
  
Raph: Fuck you!  
  
*A shrill scream is heard from the Raph's side.* Oh my gawd! It's him! *A blonde girl comes sprinting out from nowhere. Her t-shirt says "I love Raphael" and she is carrying picket signs that say "We love you!"*  
  
Raph, meet the president of your fan club.  
  
Raph: Make her go away!  
  
*Fan girl disappears*  
  
Raph: Now, let's say, hypothetically of course, that I hate Leo. Can I push him off?  
  
Only if he tells you to!  
  
Raph: huh?  
  
Didn't I mention that? You're only allowed to do what Leo says! But don't worry, since you can't cuss anymore, I'm sure we'll have no problems!  
  
Leo: Maybe she isn't so bad after all… Raph, hop up and down on one leg while singing row, row, row your boat.  
  
Raph: (no longer has control over his own body and is immediately singing and hopping.)  
  
Ta Ta boys! Cest la vie! *She takes Mikey and Donnie by the arm and leads them into a room which has appeared out of nowhere. It is completely furnished.* Take a seat! *They both sit down, Donnie on the couch and Mikey in an arm chair. The author takes out a remote and pushes a button. A TV lowers from the ceiling, when turned on, Leo and Raph are on it.*  
  
Mikey: Cool!  
  
Isn't it? But you don't want to watch this…*A second TV lowers in front Mike.* Look Mike, the discovery channel! *Metal wrist locks rise from the chair and close on his wrists.*  
  
Mike: I don't like you!  
  
Oh? Here, let me make it up to you! *A TV dinner stand rises in front of Mike. Author puts his pizza box on it.*  
  
Mikey: But I can't move my arms.  
  
I know that… Look! The ancient Egyptians!  
  
Mikey: You are possibly the cruelest person I've ever met!  
  
Deal with it.  
  
Mikey: Just one slice? Pleaseeeee? *makes his eyes very large*  
  
Fine. *Opens the box and shows the pizza to Mikey*  
  
Mikey: What happened to it?  
  
Nothing. It's sushi pizza.  
  
Mikey: All of it?  
  
*Examines pizza* Crust…sauce…cheese…yep, all of it.  
  
Mikey: Whose idea of a cruel joke is this?!  
  
Relax babe. The Egyptians won't wait for you to rant and rave before the show starts.  
  
Mikey: You can't make me watch it!  
  
*Mike's eyes freeze open* Yes I can. I'm the author.  
  
Mike: But I have to blink!  
  
Oh, right, I forgot about that…oh well Besides, you should enjoy this! After all, you can't watch TV or play video games anymore after this is over!. *Takes a seat next to Donny, he moves farther away.*  
  
Donny: Please, leave me alone.  
  
Mikey: *Crying hysterically* Let me go! I hate this show! I never watch it anyway!  
  
Sure you don't. Now shut up like a good boy before I take away your comic books. *Changes the channel on the TV.* Hey, look!  
  
Donny: *He squints, then his eyes widen* Pauly Shore?  
  
Here. *tosses him the remote.*  
  
Donny: *Flipping through channels* But a different one of his movies is on every channel!!  
  
Well, I guess you could go on the computer. No wait…I don't have one. Silly me!  
  
Donny: *Hyperventilating* No…computer…rest of show…computer…none?  
  
Nope. I don't believe in that advanced technology.  
  
Donny: But you have TV's that lower from the ceiling!!!  
  
Yes, but TV is educational. Look at Mikey learning all about Egypt!  
  
Mikey: I REALLY need to blink!  
  
Oh…and I feel so bad for you too.  
  
Donny: At least I can move. *Metal arm locks come from the back of the couch and lock over his arms.* Never mind.  
  
When will you learn?  
  
*Enter Carmen San Diego.* Carmen: Hi guys!  
  
Mikey: Is she REALLY Carmen San Diego?  
  
Carmen: *looks at him blankly for a moment and then turns to author.* Is he REALLY that stupid?  
  
No…well, yes, but humor him. You aren't all too bright either.  
  
Carmen: *Takes off hat and coat showing long blonde hair and tan skin with a few freckles on her nose and amazing blue eyes.*  
  
Mike: Wow! Are you single?  
  
Carmen: Why, do you want me to be?  
  
Mike: Yes!  
  
Hey Carmen, about time isn't it? I have a very simple task for you. Flirt with Mikey as much as possible.  
  
Mikey: YES!!!!!  
  
Mikey, you aren't allowed to talk to her, touch her, or, what the hell, look at her. If you do, she'll disappear.  
  
Mikey: I hate you!  
  
And I could care less.  
  
Carmen: *sits on the arm of the chair.* So, you're name is Mikey, huh? What a cute name for such a cute guy!  
  
Mikey: I HATE YOU!!  
  
Donny: You can't leave me in here with Pauly Shore, your airhead friend, *and* Mikey!  
  
I can't? Oh wait…you're joking! Ha Ha! I get it! Alright then, I'm going to check on your brothers. Have fun you three! *Author exits through a door in the back. She locks the door behind her and is in a small room with no windows. There is a single computer, yes Donny a computer, in the middle. (Hey, I never said I was telling the truth!) She sits down at it and places a small headpiece around her ear. She can see Raph and Leo on the screen.* Hi guys, how's it going?  
  
*We see Raph and Leo looking very confused as they hear author's voice coming from the sky.*  
  
Leo: Where are you?  
  
Here!  
  
Raph: Where?!  
  
Right here! I see you, do you see me?  
  
Leo: No!  
  
Good! Now, when can I schedule your jump? And please make it soon, some of us have dentist appointments next week!  
  
Raph: There is no friggin' way I'm going to jump off this bridge!  
  
Really?  
  
Rapid Fangirl: There he is again!!! I have to kiss him!!! Come on, girls!  
  
Raph: Leo, jump! Now!!!  
  
*Author laughs to herself and logs off her computer. Then she walks back into the main room, where Donny is hypnotized and Carmen is sitting in Mikey's lap.*  
  
Mikey: Please! Just let me look at her!  
  
Shhh…just for a minute. Besides, that would spoil the purpose of this story.  
  
Two very loud screams are heard, followed by a very loud smack! sound.  
  
Gee, I wonder where those disturbing sounds came from?  
  
Donny: *he shakes his head and his eyes return to their normal color.* Oh, good, it's over!  
  
*Almost simultaneously, the next movie starts, starring…Pauly Shore!*  
  
How are we all doing? *Sits next to Donny and smiles way too sweetly. Then she flips her cards out of her pocket.* Ha, ha! Fluffy bunnies…that's priceless.  
  
(Just then, the door to the room is thrown open, on the other side of it are two very angry, and very wet turtles.)  
  
Raph: You!  
  
Who, me?  
  
Leo: Not only did we just jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, oh no! We were pushed off!  
  
Raph: By rapid Fangirls!!!!!!!  
  
You both seem cranky, here have some towels! *Throws them each a towel to dry off with.* You know, Leo, I believe I can fix your problem of crankiness!  
  
Leo: Oh, do you?  
  
Don't be so bitter! Now, all you have to do, is stop telling everyone what to do!  
  
Leo: Thanks, but no thanks!  
  
Okay! Oh, by the way, I forbid you to tell people what to do!  
  
Leo: But why?  
  
Hey, you already had your fun with Raph! Now unless you want to end up like this *points to Donnie, who is having a what seems to be a two sided conversation with the wall,* or like this *gestures to Mikey who's eyes are bright red and he is moaning because if looks at Carmen she'll go away, and who's brain is filling up with way to many facts about the Egyptians,* I suggest you give up to my power and surrender!  
  
Leo: Never!  
  
Fine! You wouldn't want to disobey your Master, would-*flips through cards.* Never mind. *evil grin.* Time for the next chapter, where an amazing review is forming itself in my mind.  
  
Leo: (grumbles)  
  
Oh, I almost forgot! Raph, there's someone here to see you! She's in the next room! (gestures to a door.)  
  
Raph: (Raises an eye ridge) She? *He walks towards the door, and with the author's promise that isn't a fangirl in there, enters the room. He should really get to know the author better.*  
  
Raph: 200 fluffy bunnies?!  
  
Correction, 200 fluffy ninja bunnies! Oh, meet there leader!  
  
*A ninja jumps down from it's place on the ceiling, pulling off it's mask.*  
  
Ninja: Hi there!  
  
Raph: Fangirl!!!!! *Starts to claw at door, but it is locked. What a shame…*  
  
No, no Raph. You have to fight her first! But since you have the advantage here, I knew you wouldn't mind a little bet!  
  
Raph: A bet?!  
  
Ninja Fangirl: Yes Raphael, a bet. I win, you're my slave forever! You win, well…hey! You win! Congratulations!  
  
Oh, and I took your sais, it was only fair!  
  
Raph: *Feels his belt, it's empty.* (grumble) Fine! I'll kick you're a-…I mean, butt!  
  
I'm really upset you caught that in time!  
  
Raph: Alright ya obsessed little wimp…come on!  
  
Oh, she also trains! Have fun you two!  
  
Ninja Fangirl: *Pulls out nunchucks and starts to twirl them around dangerously.*  
  
Raph: Get me outta here!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Alright reviewers, time for chapter two, or three. I don't remember. Those two need some time to work out their issues. (screams are heard coming from the background.) Sorry I couldn't use all your ideas, but I tried to squeeze in at least one from each reviewer! And I will continue to use the ideas throughout the story! Thanks again for all the great reviews! I appreciate them! See you whenever!* 


	3. Turning Reft...

Disclaimer: I am only temporarily torturing the turtles. I don't own them. Mirage does, I believe, but don't quote me on that. If you still feel the need to sue me, go ahead. *reaches in pocket* I have a paper clip, some lint, and 64 cents.  
  
A/N- Wow! Thanks so much for all the great reviews!!! My sincerest apologies for taking so long. My computer wasn't cooperating with me and I had to slap it around a bit to get it to listen. BTW, the title of this chapter is not a spelling error.  
  
Fear Factor: Chapter Three-  
  
*We hear screaming off stage and can't tell if it's Raph or the Fangirl he's fighting. The authoress doesn't seem to notice* Welcome back to Fear Factor, the show where I torture for fun and draw the winners name out of a hat. We're currently speaking with Michelangelo, whom I have unchained just for the event. Hey there Mikey!  
  
Mikey: *whimpering* No more Egyptians. Brain.is overheating. Carmen.gone! NO PIZZA!  
  
It's okay Mikey, today, you get to have fun for a period of time. And at some point, I'll bring Carmen back. And you get to eat the pizza!  
  
Mikey: I am not eating sushi pizza! I want a normal pizza, with jellybeans, and whip cream and pepperoni!  
  
Okay.  
  
Mikey: Really?  
  
Hahahahaha! No. However, I will give you a choice between that pizza *points* or this box of biscuits imported from Australia.  
  
Mikey: What's wrong with them?  
  
Nothing. They're called SAO. And I've learned from a reliable source that they're very mouth drying and tasteless. Oh, and you can't have a drink for the rest of the show.  
  
Mikey: You said there was nothing wrong with them.  
  
Hmmm, I did, didn't I? Alternatively, you could have the pizza, cold, with no salt, parmesan cheese, or anything else that might make it taste reasonably digestible.  
  
Mikey: *blinks*  
  
Not to worry, I'll give you time to think about it. You have till the end of this story. *checks her watch*  
  
Mikey: What?  
  
You're wasting words! Go! Quick, think! Stop looking at me, think!  
  
Mikey: *his brain is dysfunctional from lack of mindless cartoons and he can't decide which is worse*  
  
Okay, let's check in on Donnie. He's needed this time to recuperate from Pauly Shore. Summon Donnatello to my Throne Room.  
  
Donnie: *walks through the door* First off, I hate you. I can't believe you would make me watch Pauly Shore! And no computer, what's up with that? I mean, you are just cruel and further more-  
  
I've told Donnie that this is the part of the show where I ignore-I mean listen, to his complaints and suggestions. For a genius his common sense isn't too great.  
  
Donnie: .and last but most certainly not least, chaining us to couches and not allowing Mikey to blink is unreasonable!  
  
Are you done?  
  
Donnie: Yep, that's about it. Did you get all that?  
  
Are you accusing me of interrupting you and talking to the audience while ignoring your complaints?  
  
Donnie: No.  
  
Then, yes Don, I got all that and will fix it. All of it!  
  
Donnie: *Surprised* Really?  
  
No. You know you're quite a good actor, I actually thought you believed me there for a second. *smiles evily*  
  
Donnie: Let's go back to first of all, I hate you.  
  
See that? You should take up a career in acting! Next! *Donnie is escorted out by two of Snow White's five dwarves. Damn producers went to Middle Order University for college and contract signing. You'd think they were doing this to me on purpose.*  
  
Come on in Leo. Let's chat. *silence* Leo??? *picks up a ringing cell phone* Hello? *mumble grumble mumble mumble* What do you mean you can't find him?! *hangs up in a fit of fury and exits stage left*  
  
LEONARDO! COME OUT RIGHT NOW!!!!  
  
*silence*  
  
*frantically pulls out Review Cards searching for a way to make him come out*  
  
Master Splinter told you to!  
  
*a note flies down from the ceiling* It reads: He did not! Signed, Leonardo.  
  
You have till the count of ten to get your tail down here Leonardo!  
  
1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10!  
  
Master Splinter: You have disobeyed me, my son!  
  
Leo: Master Splinter! *jumps out from hiding* I-I'm sorry! Please don't be upset!  
  
Master Splinter: No! You have dishonored me. I am ashamed to say you are my son.  
  
Leo: *runs up to authoress and puts his arm around her* No, no! It was just a game! Um-Hide and Seek! Yeah!  
  
*Starts to bawl uncontrollably into Splinter's shoulder* It was not! I was so worried!  
  
Splinter: And now you have lied to me. How dare you make this young lady upset on her own birthday!  
  
*Blinks in confusion.*  
  
Authoress and Leo: What?!  
  
*Has a stage of remembrance* Oh yes, my birthday party! That would be where we are.  
  
Master Splinter: Leonardo, it is rude to make young ladies cry. You know better.  
  
You should be punished!  
  
Leo: You're the one who created this! You lied! You should be punished!  
  
*lower lip quivers* He's doing it again, Master!  
  
Splinter: *pats her back* There, there, child. I assure he is not this way at home. And he will be punished. What do you suggest?  
  
Leo: You're asking her?!  
  
No practice for a week?  
  
Splinter: That will do. *disappears*  
  
Leo: *whimpers* I can't believe you did that! I can't practice. I'll die.  
  
And I care. Where's my birthday present?  
  
Leo: It isn't your birthday!!!  
  
Oh, yeah. Shucks. So, what'd ya get me? *smiles insanely*  
  
Leo: Nothing! I got you nothing! Because that is what you've made my life, nothing!  
  
I've touched your life.and you've given it back to me. I could cry. But I won't. Instead I'm going to say something like, "Follow me! You're wasting precious time!"  
  
Now follow me, Turtle-ish One, we have stuff to do. Hey, that sounded better.  
  
Leo: I HATE YOU!  
  
That seems to be a popular statement today. Still, I don't care. *shakes head* When will they learn?  
  
Leo: Don! Mikey! Get out here!  
  
You can't do that.  
  
Leo: Sure I can.  
  
No. I forebode you to tell people what to do in the last chapter.  
  
Leo: But---  
  
Don't speak, you'll die.  
  
Leo: *scribbles on a piece of paper and holds it up, it says: You're Lying.*  
  
Care to find out?  
  
Leo: *Shakes his head*  
  
That's what I like to hear, erm... not hear. Now come, we have things to do, brothers to torture---  
  
Raph: *stomps into the middle of the room facing the authoress and wiping seat off his brow.*  
  
I take it you won? I'm proud of you. Really, I am. Note my happy voice. Now move, you've kept me too long already.  
  
Raph: You have no idea what I've just gone through. *glares*  
  
*Sigh* I can tell this is going to take a while. Leo, down that hall, second door on your reft.  
  
Raph: Reft? Not right, or left, but reft? What the heck is reft?  
  
I'm not sure yet. Leo, go!  
  
Raph: *watches Leo go without complaint* What did you do?  
  
Took away his powers of control and told him if he speaks, he dies.  
  
Raph: Will he really die?  
  
How should I know?  
  
Raph: Wait, you're trying to change the subject! Now let's talk about my day, shall we? *Wraps an arm around her neck tighter than she would like.*  
  
*Slips away from what is sure to become a head lock* Okay, okay. I know what you're thinking, but it wasn't my fault. It was all that French kids fault. He kept dissing me and saying things like, "I hate you princesses, with your gallant steeds, and your Price Charming's, and. your ketchup sauce!"  
  
Raph: That's all very entertaining, but THERE ARE NO FRENCH KIDS IN THIS STORY!  
  
*starts crying*  
  
Raph: Now what?!  
  
It's my dog, Fluffy, he was run over by a truck! *Screams and then cries some more*  
  
Raph: Oh, wow, that sucks. When'd that happen?  
  
When I was three!  
  
Raph: Then why are you crying now?!  
  
*sniffs* You remind me of him.  
  
Raph: Now that's just rude!  
  
Hey, are those new pants?  
  
Raph: I'm not wearing pants! Now stop getting me off track!  
  
Stop getting me off track!  
  
Raph: Are you mocking me?!  
  
Are you mocking me?!  
  
Raph: You're still mocking me!  
  
You're still mocking me!  
  
Raph: I am stronger than you and I will kill you if it comes to that!  
  
Oh, really? Cool. Can we go now, I have things to do.  
  
Raph: No we can't go now! I am very mad at you for.for.  
  
For what?  
  
Raph: I don't remember.  
  
Well, you're not the brightest crayon in the box. Follow me.  
  
*leads the very confused turtle down a hallway with doors in odd places.* Now, which one do you suppose is reft? The one in the ceiling, or the one in the floor?  
  
Raph: Ummm.shouldn't you know that?  
  
Probably. Now pick one!  
  
Raph: Alright, the one in the ceiling.  
  
Good guess. Why don't you open it?  
  
Raph: *glares suspiciously* No. You're taller. You open it.  
  
But you can jump higher.  
  
Raph: *grumble* What's behind that door? *points to the door in the ceiling*  
  
I don't know.  
  
Raph: It's your fic!  
  
But I haven't written that part yet.  
  
Raph: Fine! If I open that door, promise me that nothing bad will happen!  
  
*shakes his hand.* Alright! Nothing bad!  
  
Raph: Promise?  
  
Cross my heart.  
  
Raph: *sigh* Fine! * Jumps and gets a hold of the door handle, pulling it open.*  
  
*He looks straight up into the door and Barbie Pink paint is dumped from the World Beyond the Door.*  
  
Raph: *sputters and spits paint out* YOU PROMISED!!!!  
  
I had my heart crossed.*grins.*  
  
Raph: You're dead!  
  
AAAAAA!!!! *checks her pulse and finds it only slightly raised* Raph! You scared me! You said I was dead!  
  
Raph: Well, yeah! But--- I mean, you.forget it! Just let me wash this stuff off!  
  
*A note floats down from The World Beyond the Door and lands softly on Raph's pink head.*  
  
Raph: Wonderful! A note! *picks it off his head and reads it* Courtesy of Permanent Paint Inc.  
  
Pink's a good color on you.  
  
Raph: Damn you!!!!  
  
*Looks at him perplexed for a moment, and without breaking her stare picks up her cell phone and makes a call* Hello? Yes, this is Ms. White. Yeah.I was just wondering, is "damn" a cuss word?  
  
Raph: *slaps his hand over his mouth* Shit.  
  
How about "shit?" Is that one?  
  
Raph: Don't do this to me! Please.  
  
*Hangs up and just continues her perplexed stare at him* Yeah, those are both cuss words.  
  
Fan girls: OHMYGAWD!!!!! It's HIM!!!!  
  
Quick Raph, down there! *points to the door in the floor*  
  
Raph: *Throws open the door and hurries down the flight of stairs. He sees what's in front of him, but can't stop in time.* SPLASH!!!!  
  
Oh, Raph, watch that last step, it's a doozy.  
  
Raph: *Sitting in a giant bucket of pink paint*  
  
Oh, never mind. You found it. *steps around Raph and the door slams closed on command*  
  
Raph: I.am going.to hurt you.  
  
That's okay, you don't have to. Now that we're all here, shall we begin?  
  
Raph: We? All?!  
  
*Don and Leo are staring at Raph like he has a second head growing out of his neck. Then they burst up laughing.*  
  
Raph: Snow White!!!!!  
  
Yes?  
  
Raph: Why are they here????  
  
It's part of my plan.  
  
Donnie: What plan?  
  
Goggles on everyone!  
  
*Everyone puts on lab goggles and coats. Raph's are pink, he just doesn't know it yet.*  
  
Now, be careful when dealing with this subject. He's known for lack of brain cells and is armed with bad jokes.  
  
*presses a button on her remote control and the small cellar they are in has the front wall raised, revealing a very white, sterilized room. There is a brand new super-computer in the dead center of the room.*  
  
Donnie: That's a.a.  
  
A computer.  
  
Donnie: YES!!!! Would like me to program it for you?  
  
No, no. That's what my test subject's for.  
  
Donnie: Test subject?  
  
*Gets on a walkie talkie* Send in Test Subject M, please.  
  
Mikey: *Walks into the sterilized room* Ummm.  
  
Donnie: NOOOOO!!!! *presses his face to the glass* Mikey, Mikey? Don't touch it!  
  
Don, this is two sided mirror. We see him, he sees the mirror.  
  
Donnie: You're kidding.Why would you do this?  
  
I feel like it, okay? *Sits down and starts to file her nails while singing softly.* hello, dear brother, what have you got there?  
  
Donnie: I saw that episode! That's the one where the genius's idiot sibling.breaks all.his inventions.MIKEY!!!! DON'T TOUCH IT!!!!!  
  
*Picks up her walkie-talkie.* Mikey? You can't see me, but here I am. Now, just do whatever you want with the computer. I just want to see how the average person responds to it. Have fun!  
  
Mikey: Coolness! Can do, Snow White!  
  
Alright, now Raph, you come with me. I'll be back for you guys in a while.  
  
*Gets up and takes off her coat and goggles. Then exits the room, Raph following, and leaves Donnie behind screaming like a five year old.*  
  
Raph: Why would you turn me pink?  
  
*blinks* I no longer remember. *stars singing again* Never win first place.I don't support the team.I can't direction and my socks are never clean.  
  
Raph: Who sings that?  
  
Well, she's my favorite singer. Her name is Pink. This way. *Turns suddenly and walks into and through a wall.*  
  
Raph: *Puts his hand through the wall, and then takes it out. Then he steps through.* That was weird.  
  
I've noticed things are normally like that around here. *Is sitting on the couch flipping through channels on her very special flat screen, big screen, TV. You know, the one that comes from the ceiling.*  
  
Raph: What's on?  
  
Veggie Tales.  
  
Raph: *smirks* I hate those stupid videos. *sits down on the couch.*  
  
There are nineteen of them. *Metal arm locks come into place around Raph.* And you, lucky you! You get to watch them all!  
  
Raph: *eyes grow wide* No! I refuse! I'll get a lawyer.  
  
Of course you will. Sssshhhhh. I love this part!!!!  
  
*A cucumber, perhaps a pickle, with eyes and a mouth and a nose shows up on the screen with a banjo. He's singing.* We all have a baby kangaroo. Mine is pink and yours is blue!  
  
Hahahaha! Have fun!  
  
Raph: You can not turn me pink AND make me watch all these stupid videos.  
  
Man, I swear you and Donnie both would make terrific actors. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to tend to your brothers before one sends himself flying through a two way mirror and the other one forgets how to speak.  
  
Raph: Yeah? Well what if I don't excuse you?  
  
I'll probably leave anyway. But hey, let's try it and find it.  
  
Raph: You are not excused!  
  
Well, what do you know, I was right. What a shocker. Goodbye, my little pink friend who I chained to a couch and whose efforts spent trying to get away would result in nothing but pain! Have a lovely time! *skips merrily away to the tune of the singing cucumber/pickle, which will now be known as a cickle.*  
  
Now, where did I leave those three? *hears a loud scream* Follow the shrill screaming voice, follow the shrill screaming voice, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the shrill screaming voice. (And for all of you out there who haven't seen Wizard of Oz yet, and are wondering why on earth I would repeat myself so many times, I just felt like it, but it won't happen again.)  
  
(Oh good grief, you haven't seen it have you? Well, it'll come to you.)  
  
(Come on, think my darlings!)  
  
(Grrrrr.Follow the yellow brick road, my morons, follow the yellow brick road.)  
  
Hello there! *enters the Reft door, and comes to find Donnie helplessly trying to break the window/mirror, and Leo sitting quietly. Mike seems to be enjoying himself greatly as he has found a copy of Diablo 2, and is busy figuring out how to install it since some ding-dong left out the directions. I wonder who?*  
  
Okay, Leo, I here by banish your death sentence, you may speak. For the time being. Donnie, how about some chess to take your mind off things?  
  
Donnie: No, I have to save that poor computer!  
  
Leo: Wow.I've never even seen Mike on a computer. How's he doing?  
  
Mikey: Snow White? I've tried everything and I still can't turn it on!  
  
Yeah, well, you couldn't have tried everything or you would've found it. Try again. Boys, we're going to play chess. Now, I assume you're going to come with me, because I said "boys." However, if you aren't a boy, please stay here and I will make sure to refer to you as "she" and "her" for the rest of the story.  
  
*Both boys follow. Takes out her review cards.* I know I read something about chess in here.ah, here it is. LOL!  
  
Leo: What's so funny?  
  
You wouldn't get it.  
  
Leo: Sure I would.  
  
No, I don't think so.  
  
Leo: Yes, I would!  
  
Fine, you have to play chess blindfolded. LOL!  
  
Leo: That's not funny.  
  
See? I knew you wouldn't get it. Now come here. *leads them to a chess table. Leo does not have a sense of humor and Don is still quite upset about the computer.*  
  
Leo: Why are you doing this? *Authoress ties blindfold around his eyes.*  
  
I told you, it's funny. Just because you don't have a sense of humor doesn't mean you have to ruin it for everyone else. *Comes behind Donnie and ties his blindfold on also.*  
  
Donnie: We don't have to play you know, you can't make us.  
  
Of course I can't. Now, if for some strange reason you don't play, I could, hypothetically of course, use an ultimate source of blackmail.  
  
Leo: You have no blackmail on us.  
  
*Is very upset he figured this out so quickly, but is not telling him he's right.* Okay, fine. Then don't play. But don't come crying to me when you're kicked out of your home and have no where to go and everyone hates you because of me. Because all I'll say is, "I told you so."  
  
Donnie: I don't know whether or not to believe you.but I don't take chances with people like you. How hard could this be? *picks up a piece and moves it into a correct space.*  
  
*blinks a few times, and then takes the piece, and puts it back.* Ummm.you can't do that.  
  
Leo: *moves a piece.*  
  
No, you can't do that.  
  
Donnie: *moves a piece*  
  
*Puts down a tape recorder and leaves. Every four seconds, the tape recorder says, "You can't do that."*  
  
Leo: *Moves a piece.*  
  
Tape Recorder: You can't do that.  
  
*Wanders in to check on Raph* How are you doing my helpless pink friend?  
  
Raph: I'm going to kill you!  
  
How?  
  
Raph: What?  
  
How are you going to kill me? If you're going to kill me, I have a right to know how. After all, *pulls out another tape recorder* I want it on tape for the court to hear when I sue you for threatening to kill me.  
  
Raph: *silence* Do you just carry those things around?!  
  
Yeah, you wouldn't believe how many people want to kill me.  
  
Raph: No, I think I do.  
  
No you don't. I said so.  
  
Raph: If I'm your favorite, why did you dye me pink and make me watch Veggie Tales?  
  
What makes you so sure that you're my favorite?  
  
Raph: Just a hunch.  
  
You know, Pinkie, I'm not stupid. I'm still perfectly aware that the tape recorders still on. *Turns his head towards the TV and freezes it there.* But I'll leave you now so you can enjoy your other eighteen videos in peace. Bye!!!  
  
Raph: F----, I mean.that sucks!  
  
My, my, aren't you a quick learner? No, wait.never mind, you're not. *Goes to find Mike.*  
  
Meanwhile.in Mike's sterilized computer room----  
  
Mike: I don't get it! This stupid computer does not have an on button!!!!!  
  
Yes it does.  
  
Mike: *Turns around to face Snow White.* No it doesn't!!!  
  
Fine, it doesn't. Have it your way. But it does.  
  
Mike: That made no sense.  
  
Good for you! Now, which one are you going to eat?  
  
Mike: I was hoping you'd forgotten about that.  
  
I didn't.  
  
Mike: So I see.  
  
No you don't. So you hear.you can't see me remembering.  
  
Mike: Ummm.I guess.the pizza. At least I know what's in that.  
  
Okay, you do that. *Hands him the pizza.*  
  
Mike: *Attempts to take a bite and almost gags from the taste.*  
  
Well, that's all for now. We'll just leave them in their current tortures until the next chapter! Goodbye!  
  
*A confused member of the audience wanders on stage, following a yellow brick road.*  
  
Hey! What are you doing?!  
  
Confused: You said to follow the yellow brick road.  
  
What?! When?  
  
Right after you repeated yourself, and then you said, "Follow the yellow brick road, my morons, follow the yellow brick road." So I am!  
  
But-I mean.you can't.*sighs and pats the confused persons head, then exits, stage right.*  
  
Confused: *shrugs and continues to follow the yellow brick road.*  
  
*Disclaimer 2: I don't own Pink, the Wizard of Oz, or anything else. There, does that make you happy? Stupid lawyers.Oh, BTW, some of the things in the reviews were hysterical ideas that I didn't have room to fit in and will use in the next chapter. Please keep the ideas coming!!! I love them!!! 


End file.
